Dharma of a Debtor and a Creditor

Financial misfortunes happens all too often in today's
uncertain economic arena. Previously stable
individuals suddenly are unable to fulfill their
obligations or repay their debts. If you should ever
find yourself in this situation, after the shock of
feeling helpless, ask yourself, "What is my Dharma?"

The Dharma of a debtor in this case is to do the best
he can to show goodwill and intent to repay the debt.
He must make necessary sacrifices and adjust his
lifestyle accordingly, without paying out so much that
he destroys any possibility of recovery. He must not
deprive himself or his family of essential needs.
(Dharma: the act in accordance to one's duty)

On the other hand, a creditor's Dharma is to allow the
debtor to restructure the debt so that he may continue
with his basic living and have a chance to recover
financially. He will therefore have the means to repay
the original debt. I am not telling you something you
don't already know.


- Chin-Ning Chu
"Thick Face Black Heart- The Asian Path to Thriving,
Winning and Succeeding"

A Very Sick and Bored Weekend

I hardly watch the movies i borrowed from Andrik, so much and it gave me difficulties to choose. Thanks to the weekend, i'm bound to stay home and burn my time with the movie marathon..

Saturday is the day i made my promise to spend my time with my girl, as usual. She's been on leave since Wednesday to prepare herself for her course's examination. My car milage's up, paid my room rent earlier, phone bills, car installment, service car, road tax plus insurance, the rest of my wages reserved for tolls, parking and petrol. Summarized, i'm broke...

I woke up quite late on Saturday morning, i was late for my car servicing schedule, and i'm in the time my girl's coming over to my place. There's a pain at my left gum, fucking stitching hard as i can't concentrate, and causes headache. Sure i knew i had munchies last night and the salts remained at my gums and teeth, so it happens. No matter how, my girl had to come first then she followed me to Puchong and get my car done servicing.

I don't know, i'm kinda like that place. The receptionist is cute and pretty (Malay), the mechanics are good manners, waiting room with Astro... Wow, i like to spend my time waiting while watching MTV and Channel V, also the last time i was there, i watched Lost, the episod i've missed from cy's hse. This time the kids occupied the room, with the jammed screen TV, wondered what the fuck they did with the controls. And so, i managed to fix it normal back and somehow the children were having ice creams and shouting and talking way out loud. I know they're still kids, blame me for straining the pain of my gum, i kept cursing them devilishly. My bad, i just can't help it. I was holding the control, and the kid just slipped his hands on it and took it away even i was looking at him. However i was clearly acknowledged from my experience, usually the Malay parents pamper much on their siblings. How can i tell all that?

Let's just make an example. Have you ever seen Chinese kids riding bicycles celebrating Merdeka Day at midnight along the road with full traffic passing by? How about the age between 7-10, riding around Dataran Merdeka? Or they just wander around at night when they can have fun on daylight? It's sound absurd to dig this fact, or you may seen such immorality acts in front of you, you just had to keep inside and not talking about it.

Tell yall the truth, i'm not offending anyone here. I build this blog just to let most of the readers who care to change for a better, even me so. Like i said, it's better leave if you're offended.

It didn't take long, we head to pharmacy bought pain killers for my gum, then went to my place.

I'm straining hard from the pain, felt that i'm losing my antibody. I've been saving much money for some expenses i need in the future, and this is what had returned to me. I used to not think of how much i'm gonna spend on my food, i grew healthy at first, fat too. Just as i know i need a savings, what i could really hold me back for that is to control my meal. I'm terribly hunger on food and always i'll order big portion till i'm full.

Now i've been skipping dinner. Guess what helped me forgetting dinner every weeknights? My best pal knew...

I slept after took 2 pills at a time. I couldn't bare the pain much, whatever my girl said, i lost the interest but pain. Sorry darling, it's not easy for me.

I woke up, and my girl watched 2 movies, got starved and we went for supper. Cy called earlier and asked me to join him at Poppy. My girl had the reaction again: "Are we going Poppy? The music sucks as the DJ..." I never intend to go. The pain numb my whole mouth, swollen and little pain. Another movie watched, and my girl went home. I continued to watch movies till 5am...

Sunday, i planned to visit my parents. They're not at home again. Damn...

The whole afternoon i cleaned my room, threw unwanted rubbish, swept and mopped. For all the things i did, i forgotten my laundry collection. Then i had a light dinner, waiting for the time comes, jamming...

This time Jordan was fully committed to our band. He came up an idea building a website of all the songs and ideas produced by Airtight Noise, eventually i'm not in the position of contributing, i guess. Or just that i'm a lost boy, still don't really tried to make a useful of myself in this band. I think it's all because of me, the band turned 10 and we're nowhere. I admit that, but it's not separating myself being a drummer, a passion to be longed enough until i discover that my skills are still remained as i idolised Dave Grohl. Nothing evolve and changed, the way i am are individually significant other, sophisticated and i'm bullshitting myself. Whatever, i like the way i am, being myself.

This time the session's purpose was to let Yulius and Jordan to blend in our music connection. And it didn't miss out Eleanor, the dress was stunning, future fashion designer! Last but not least for the most important matter, we did the recording, and CK didn't fail us this time! Was it him or me? It's him la...

After the session, Penny came and i guessed it right, she'll free her time to have drinks with us, as she knew we jammed that very night.

Soon, an old school friend called and she just stayed nearby. Everyone's started talking about her, Wai Yee, was in a slimming program, heard it was Slimming Sanctuary, whatever. She's a total evolve to us. Used to be a fatty clumsy geek, and now... A hot babe. She used to hang out with me and other friends in the class. After i left the school, with my very low self-esteem attitude, i got out from that circle of friends. When she came along with Chee Wei and another friend (shit, i forgot his name, forgive bro), everyone's surprised to see me still alive in this society. I ate bread, just to make sure i'll survive, and here i am, doubtfully unhealthy but on going strive type person they knew.

It's already midnight and everyone's no concern on next day's work. My heart pounding fast as i expected myself to be late for work. I tried not to but it became my instinct, better think for the worst than the good.

So, the time i went to cy's house, it's 1.30am. I knew later on he'll have me watching movie with him... God, am i a movie freak? The recording was an hour, so we did listen for an hour, comments and critics, then Don Cab, futuristic beats and rhythms, no way i could catch up. As far as i concerned, Mike Portnoy takes the lead on drums. Sorry to say that, Damon Che...

Guessed what, the next morning i woke up at 7.50am...

Fucking shithead of me...

Why Pay More?

The whole week's a lamer, i can't find myself catching good stuffs to tell here.

Ok, so far there's a jamming session on Wednesday night. This time, Yulius was so free early at the evening while Jordan, cy's classmate cum colleague, Jordan, joined for the jamming session. It goes like this...

I was listening to our previous jamming session (30th Oct's recording, converted in MP3 format) everynight after work, once i got home, the music starts. Actually i wasn't satisfied about the volume recorded from walkman to pc, but it's ok for listening, playing it loud has a limit.

I just remembered my girl took long leave for her course examination, so she's free for the night. I called her so she could meet me at my place, and go together to cy's place. Just as i was on my way i totally forgotten my phone, left at my place. Then i had to turn back to get my phone, thought i could forget about it, but i'm staying over night at cy's place... Damn, there goes my punctuality...

I'm half an hour late, yeah i know no one's enjoying the session leaving out a drummer. Again i felt the session went bad, my beats no rhythm, worst is, no blank cassette to record... (ck, why ar? I told you guys to stay put with the tape, reuse it back on sessions ma...)

Ok la the session, sounds good to me cuz Jordan's on bass, ck and Yulius on guitars (Yulius makes effects while ck trashes the guitar), cy on piano and me on drums (duh...).

Jordan was so near the amp and the bass is not heard aloud, ck trashed too much distortion and covered every instrument's volume, Yulius showing off his wow wow, cy emo on piano, while i'm trying to get my beats on the drums. Eleanor was like looking at Yulius drooling all the way, and my girl was curious why cy's playing 2 chords for the whole session.

So the session ended an hour, for me half, and supposed to extend another hour for my lateness, also i've to pay the full hour amount, just as matter of it, i've to pay RM10, which makes me a fool being late.

Why pay more? Damn!

Just a place to whine here, mean no harm...

Men's Dignity

Apparently, men do have their prides, on cars, careers, properties, luxuries, sports, gadgets, etc.

No, i'm not trying to show off my stuffs. I'm proud to have what i had now.

Just think about it, everyone's life has their greatness and miracles, some just don't know it's existence. They're not pretending either. As a matter of fact, it's just not enough to satisfy us.

I'm seriously don't. Look around my friends, they're rich, sleeping under aircond, drive luxury cars, eat nice expensive food, nice hairdo, fitness, nutritious and healthy, more quality time to spend on their working days with weekends, branded clothes, PDA or smart phones, more friends around, girls likes flies chasing them madly, charming, expensive watches, wallet eternally with cash and credit cards, etc.

When i came to have an understanding how to cherish my life with what i have now. I do have long weekends, normal working hours, my own transport, a place to stay, a steady lovely girlfriend, good pals, good job, good pay, good boss, TV, hi fi surround satelite speakers (5 pcs) with smooth pumping woofer, DVDs, own band that's gonna perform a gig in town's pub, good landlord, etc... Only i don't own a peaceful mind, but that's alright, life's a Yin Yang, contradiction.

I've said i don't see i'm not satisfied what i have. Yes, and my pal's gave some quotes made me changed my mind. I wanna be a richman at first, get things i want in my life without hassle. The more i think of it now, the more burden i'll have.

Now i got my burden. My tight commitment. My own transport taken half of my earnings each month. How do you say if you ever make RM10k per month, would you ever considered buying much reliable and luxury looked-alike car? Or just a car that could make you convenient in every ways, regardless about electronic seats with massager, air bags, auto transmissions, wood-surfaced dashboards, hi tech alarms, big rims, turbo, modifications and stuffs? If i'm earning that much, i still drive Iswara Aeroback 1.3se, with power steering, sports rims, cassette deck, plastic-alike dashboard, manual transmission, original 2"-3" exhaust pipe, cranky seats, whatever it makes a car to me. I'll drive that car no matter how, low maintenance monthly, i'll save more. Mentioning my earnings now, just mildly i could survive, but it's alright, cuz i need the car for my career now.

My room like a junkie place to stay, various families, lovers and foreigns staying together under one roof. They're friendly, of course. My room was near the toilet and the kitchen, sometimes i get foul smells of cooking coming in from the door's bottom latch. Still, i stayed 2 years and so far this is not my complaints. Only the time whenever i need to use the bathroom, it's always occupied... I fucking HATE it MOST! Well, i bitched about it most of the time it happens. Great...

So, there's a time i was telling my girl that i've been losing myself for being a strong and reliable man to a woman. Who had changed me from low self-esteem to optimistic, is my girl and my best pal.

For my girl part, she's the girl all i ever wanted to be with for the rest of my life. In order to click in her lifestyle, i had to blend in, change my way of look, how i talk, and my lifestyle. I used to hardcore partying, drinking, drugged myself, slacking without a job, penniless each day picking up remained cigarette butts to smoke. I'm a total pathetic in the past. Now i'm striving to be a better person to anyone, especially to her.

For my pal cy, he does care about his close friend, like me for example. He could lecture me whatever he had gone through, from his experiences and books he read. He had all the good points to spit out, reasonable enough to get anyone convinced.

I have my own prior resolution: no quits.

So far i do have a lot of pressures, mostly my finance. When it comes to that point, i don't get enough money to pay my bills, since my previous company bankrupt (here i go again), i hardly find a good job with good pay and time. It's been a month i never get to work, so the one month burden goes and dateline comes, i had to pay before the creditors come to look for me... Honestly there're few incidents did happened, somehow i managed to settle the cases.

"Who ever wanted to look ugly when he/she was born that way?"

Anyone digging this?

I don't even want to throw myself in debt circles, i wanna be free from hassle, i want peace. Just as how much it means to me, the debts kept coming.

No matter how, no quits on these, face the fact of difficulties, we were born in this life to learn from pain and suffer, can't complaint it cuz we have to. We made the choice to get what we need, so had to pay the price...