Men's Dignity

Apparently, men do have their prides, on cars, careers, properties, luxuries, sports, gadgets, etc.

No, i'm not trying to show off my stuffs. I'm proud to have what i had now.

Just think about it, everyone's life has their greatness and miracles, some just don't know it's existence. They're not pretending either. As a matter of fact, it's just not enough to satisfy us.

I'm seriously don't. Look around my friends, they're rich, sleeping under aircond, drive luxury cars, eat nice expensive food, nice hairdo, fitness, nutritious and healthy, more quality time to spend on their working days with weekends, branded clothes, PDA or smart phones, more friends around, girls likes flies chasing them madly, charming, expensive watches, wallet eternally with cash and credit cards, etc.

When i came to have an understanding how to cherish my life with what i have now. I do have long weekends, normal working hours, my own transport, a place to stay, a steady lovely girlfriend, good pals, good job, good pay, good boss, TV, hi fi surround satelite speakers (5 pcs) with smooth pumping woofer, DVDs, own band that's gonna perform a gig in town's pub, good landlord, etc... Only i don't own a peaceful mind, but that's alright, life's a Yin Yang, contradiction.

I've said i don't see i'm not satisfied what i have. Yes, and my pal's gave some quotes made me changed my mind. I wanna be a richman at first, get things i want in my life without hassle. The more i think of it now, the more burden i'll have.

Now i got my burden. My tight commitment. My own transport taken half of my earnings each month. How do you say if you ever make RM10k per month, would you ever considered buying much reliable and luxury looked-alike car? Or just a car that could make you convenient in every ways, regardless about electronic seats with massager, air bags, auto transmissions, wood-surfaced dashboards, hi tech alarms, big rims, turbo, modifications and stuffs? If i'm earning that much, i still drive Iswara Aeroback 1.3se, with power steering, sports rims, cassette deck, plastic-alike dashboard, manual transmission, original 2"-3" exhaust pipe, cranky seats, whatever it makes a car to me. I'll drive that car no matter how, low maintenance monthly, i'll save more. Mentioning my earnings now, just mildly i could survive, but it's alright, cuz i need the car for my career now.

My room like a junkie place to stay, various families, lovers and foreigns staying together under one roof. They're friendly, of course. My room was near the toilet and the kitchen, sometimes i get foul smells of cooking coming in from the door's bottom latch. Still, i stayed 2 years and so far this is not my complaints. Only the time whenever i need to use the bathroom, it's always occupied... I fucking HATE it MOST! Well, i bitched about it most of the time it happens. Great...

So, there's a time i was telling my girl that i've been losing myself for being a strong and reliable man to a woman. Who had changed me from low self-esteem to optimistic, is my girl and my best pal.

For my girl part, she's the girl all i ever wanted to be with for the rest of my life. In order to click in her lifestyle, i had to blend in, change my way of look, how i talk, and my lifestyle. I used to hardcore partying, drinking, drugged myself, slacking without a job, penniless each day picking up remained cigarette butts to smoke. I'm a total pathetic in the past. Now i'm striving to be a better person to anyone, especially to her.

For my pal cy, he does care about his close friend, like me for example. He could lecture me whatever he had gone through, from his experiences and books he read. He had all the good points to spit out, reasonable enough to get anyone convinced.

I have my own prior resolution: no quits.

So far i do have a lot of pressures, mostly my finance. When it comes to that point, i don't get enough money to pay my bills, since my previous company bankrupt (here i go again), i hardly find a good job with good pay and time. It's been a month i never get to work, so the one month burden goes and dateline comes, i had to pay before the creditors come to look for me... Honestly there're few incidents did happened, somehow i managed to settle the cases.

"Who ever wanted to look ugly when he/she was born that way?"

Anyone digging this?

I don't even want to throw myself in debt circles, i wanna be free from hassle, i want peace. Just as how much it means to me, the debts kept coming.

No matter how, no quits on these, face the fact of difficulties, we were born in this life to learn from pain and suffer, can't complaint it cuz we have to. We made the choice to get what we need, so had to pay the price...