Never Give Up Hope...

Whatever shit i've done, my karma... Nobody bothers about me anymore. I mean my family, and now even my best friend.

Chances given so much that i never grasp tightly, i just treat it as it's easy, and now it's getting much worst and i'm drowning below. There won't be any chances given anymore, and i'm cast away from trust. I'm all by myself now, a solo guy who wished he could mend things back and however, when i'm a loser, forever i'm a loser. That doesn't sound a rational thinking mind, why do i bother going church and reading self improvement books? To clear out my negative thoughts and senses.

Back to the most recent mistake i made. I'm such a coward, i dare not face the boundaries coming through. I knew working in a company, i should get some scoldings if i ever did any mistakes, and i ran off, hid and now i got it even worst. I learned my lesson so deeply, cuz i lost so much from my behavior. My new song for this blog really suits me, the tune was folk, means it's even a fucked up song, it sang slumberly. How fucked up the case was, i just had to think in positive way, not using anger and anxiety to blew my mind. And the way the music goes, no matter how fucked up it was, tomorrow will be a new day to start out a better life and be a better person.

I don't know what sort of resolution you people here had in mind. My resolution was, i'm gonna be brave on my mistakes. Be thankful to have someone given chances on you, but not take them for granted. Yeah yeah, i said so much before, but you assured that i never did a single shit. Last year my bad, this year no more.

Money is my desperation, i hate it so much and i need it so much, vice versa... So what's really my resolution?

-I easily give up on things i couldn't achieve, that's explains why i never graduate from Graphic Design college. And when the time i given up, i'll throw my anger and never admit that i'm wrong. I'm fucking wrong from my doings, so never give up on things i want to achieve.

-Yet i've said i want to save money, and i never did, strangled myself having fun and travel much. So how much i've earn, at least 10% will be saved for future plannings.

-fuck clubbing and sessions. I've committed myself to do Lampe Berger, all the way i'll go.

-I'm sure whatever i'm planning to do now, everyone gets the cold water splashes on me. Negatives, negatives, just like i'm as a table to table salesman. I've been through that, why not i make use of my thick face to go through this? All i want to find money, and why people discourage me to find more money? Fuck it man.

-To overcome my fears, i've to confront it like i'm obligated thoroughly. Not speeding on the road or something, whatever i did wrong, i must be responsible on my causes.

-My dad thinks i'm lazy. I admit it, i'm lazy. So no more laziness. I'll have to train myself, think work every minute, dream of work, fantasies work, until i get what i really want... Ferrari... Haha, i'm crazy, but not exactly.

It's about time to prove to myself and my family especially my dad, all the time i've disappointed him, i'm bringing the pride back, 100%.



So all the close friends who's reading this, i'll still update my blog, but i won't be meeting you all unless i'm totally changed into tremendous results that you guys never expected. I hope that whatever party or clubbing you guys having, please enjoy and don't have to let me know much about any events happenings. I'm putting myself in a position away from my desires and get real on my pursue. I'm gonna be 26 years old and i don't want anyone who knew me still disappointed at me.

The song "Fucked Up" turned a positive way for me to listen. Ironic ain't?

And Yulius, you're the buddy who knew i'm fucked up but still you called and talked to me. You still my bro. And i'm truly sorry for keeping secrets from cy, too late to tell, chaos in relationships. A few friends is enough, what if too much? My dad's gonna blew the circle. However, it's a contradiction, the less friends i have, the less impact it'll be.

Ok, i did wished to have more friends, just my luck surnamed 'Chow', means everyone's leaving. Haha...



Ah, fuck it. It's just fucked up, that's all.