Again, My Life's Biggest Weakness...

"When you work in a crappy job, you always find it hard to leave it. But when it comes to be a good job, you always find it hard to secure it."

After i left school at 15, i don't care much about my low educational shit, i always believe that it won't be a problem for me to find a job. I could work any kind, besides office jobs that required high profile, that i can't provide. I came through a few office jobs, i never gave them any certs or diploma docs to show my potential, usually i talk to the bosses or managers, they'll listen and perhaps most of the time they'll give a very kind considerations and therefore i usually get the job. I'm very happy about my initiative to find such good job that i won't have to let people look at me in different angle.

Bless, i could work a few months probation and somehow i can't survive more. The first attemp was i don't own a transport, but that was the time i started taking driving lessons provided by the company. I heard most from my boss, nagging me about my immobilised issues. Before i use the company car, i used to take public transports to reach any destination i should be. Soon, i found it very waste of time and i can't make up the time to meet the clients, ended up they'll have meetings or they went out just as i expect to meet them by the time i almost reached their offices. I begin to have low self esteem feeling, i rather have myself quit the job and continue to find a job which i don't need a transport for work.

This case happened lots of times, and since then i haven't make myself clear. Usually when i joined a company, soon i found myself incapable, i begin to feel low self esteem, hide myself away from the contact, and when someone's looking for me, i begin to fear, i ran more further just to get away from my confrontation. And i became irresponsible... That's all the people who are close to me talking about it... Just as i expected, i became a total failure...

Yes, my biggest weakness in my life... Irresponsible.

Cy cared a lot of my situation, he feared that whatever i've done, it could be him who influenced me and most of the time when i'm righteous, it'll turned out sour to me, naturally. Last post, telling about my boss begin to have a thought that i'm not so useful for his assistance after all, again i have got into my weakness formula, ended up losing the job anyway... How could this happen to me?

After i left my previous company, garments retail and wholesale, i was jobless for 2 months, and of course i didn't pay my car installment and even my room rent. At first i was so desperate to find a job. Soon i found a sales job, selling office equipments, but the location was very far from my place, each day per to and from trip, i need to travel 60km. If i should inclusive my sales travel, hell it's about to blow my wallet... And there's no claims for petrol, tolls and parking fees, sadly i'm always running out of money to survive, can't find a sales, my boss have discrimination on me, most of the telemarketing sales given to a girl which came exactly the same day i joined the company, i got none. Eventually he asked me to do door to door sales and never i could penetrate any sales to them. I was fucking devastated, i couldn't bear myself having small portion of wages to pay my monthly expenses. Even my colleagues begin to pollute my mind on company's politics... So much negatives gone through me... And my weakness formula begun to dominate my mind. I lost the job. I could say i'm partly happy and partly sad about it...

Another month went on, jobless. Soon i applied Jobstreet and some other relevant job seekers, got everything i need for the CV, made calls and found a job in Sri Petaling... Yes, now it has become my ex-company. A fucking good job ever in my life. Nice environment, good pay, satisfied working time, friendly colleagues, best boss... And i fucked it up again with my stupid weakness formula, it ran through my mind again...

How it's gonna be? Seriously, i'm stunned, looking at myself fucked up like that... Any reasons will be, my dad hates me, and i've been like this ever since it started. He's been asking me to work as a taxi driver, better make a decent and survival job, and eventually asked me to sell off my precious car... I've got scolded by him for an hour, i was totally ran out of mood, can't concentrate of things i need to coop up, but i was in stable emotion, i kept myself away being in anger. He left, and so i left, back home, get a cracking mind up to think more about my fucking stupid mistakes. Actually i fetched my girl along back home, i told her everything about my situation and she was so concerned and wanted to be by my side. She's fine, a little moody and sad of all the things i've told her. And came a call, cy knew and he was informed by my dad...

You see, my dad always does a thing, he would put his family's dignity onto someone and it came a gossips all around the public. When this already considered a devastating issue, he wouldn't mind telling cy my mistakes, and guess what?

My dad told cy, and cy never been told personally by me, which makes him hate me of not being honest as a bro. Ok, it was an issue happened in a day, just about the time i've sorted my case with my girl and wanted to sort it with him, he had been informed... And it's night time and i had the intention to tell cy personally, my dad blew it 'kaw kaw' for me. A celebration was called, i'm the dopest bullshit friend ever reckons by friends, story by My Dad...

After that, cy lectured me 'kaw kaw', i was having dinner with my girl. My mood got down so much and i wondered why my dad has to do this to me? Surprisingly my dad made a good connections with cy, that could really explains why i could never have more friends, just a few? I may less more friends after my dad's gossips on me.

Once he said he was told i'm having relationship with a Malay girl. You know, i wasn't in control of my emotions by that time, usually i just burst out my anger and started scolding my dad, and made him even more angry at me, and not much about the Malay girl anymore cuz maybe he's convinced i'm not such a desperado. It seems he heard something much about me, and therefore he make it such a big deal, without thinking about my stands, he told everyone about my case before me! I mean, this is a family business, my dad been telling everyone about it, does it make him a father who can't rule his family? And somehow he put my life at stakes, not so much of meaning dangers, like i can't make friends... And also letting him know i have a girlfriend or something, even i bought a car, i never let him knew about it. So it's much that i could say, dangerous la...

Thanks and grateful, God. I cherish the spare from You, you gave me the hard ones on my time now, not in the future, in order to clear my past sins.

However, cy was not in mood to have good times as buddies in the moment, i was left only with my darling, no friends that i could interfere. Really thanks to my dad, he made me realised why i ran away from home. I was young, when i hate something, i don't get to understand it but i'll do as i should by instinct. When i was asked, i can't explain, kind of tricky until all these things that happened to me, i'm acknowledged.

Thus, i'm through with this shit. Resolutions, Andy!

Movies, FHM and Underground Dance

On Friday i was on leave, too much stress from my work, got sick of my mind day after day, thinking of the issue i've posted on "High Stakes". I don't know if i'm right about what i mean, i was drunk while i wrote that...

I slept till 11am, but i woke up earlier in the morning, told my boss i'm won't be on duty. I informed my girl that i'm home and probably she would like to come to my place and watch some movies. Therefore she was busy doing bank draft to pay her studies of Accounts in KL, then she'll go to my place. Thus, i slept again, such headache of thinking my issues all over again.

She came up by herself, earlier i gave her extra keys to my place, as a matter of fact, if ever i do forgotten about my keys, she'll back me up, so as my car keys too. She did knock on my door a few times, i never heard it, then when she made a miss call on my phone, i shocked up and opened the door quickly as i could. She came in, in well dressed up casually. She must knew that might bring her somewhere later on, but i never expect to go where else.

She brought SPL, a Hong Kong movie starring Donnie Yen, Samo Hung and Simon Yam. Previously we paid a visit at a DVD shop at OUG, we wanted to buy some movies and they previewed SPL's fighting scenes. It's quite interesting, only i'm interested at Donnie Yen's fighting skills. It's been a while i never watch his moves since he starred a movie of Bruce Lee's "Jing Mou Ying Hung". He has great muscular body, good looking and his moves quite similar to Mark Dacascos's. Anyway, he's the main actor, director and choreographer of SPL, regardless Samo Hung. Throughout film industries' choreographer, Donnie's the best and the last movie, he choreographed Jackie Chan's "Police Story". I watched on TV and they interviewed Daniel Wu, Jackie Chan, Donnie Yen and some other actors and actresses. So Donnie Yen spoke English during the interview, as he never had a fluent Cantonese language like Daniel Wu, both American born Chinese. Bottom line is, the action pack was great, so was the story line. Only the fighting part was a little exaggerating...

I admitted myself a movie freak before, after watching SPL, i still can't get enough. Noticed that the day was Friday, why not we go for a movie in the cinema, watch Aeon Flux? She was surprised, and with her free tickets can be used in Cheras Leisure Mall's cinema, why not? Too bad we didn't buy the day's newspaper to check out the time of the movie. Thanks to Maxis, we checked out from the Easy Access and found out Aeon Flux shown at 7.15pm, and we look at the clock, it's 7.15pm... Fucking shit, why the cinema show only that particular hour? We've lost the opportunity and if we're lucky enough to watch that earlier, we might continue watching King Kong after that..

So, again we ventured ourselves to the cinema at Cheras Leisure Mall, lined up to buy tickets for King Kong. Yup, we changed our mind, we might watch Aeon Flux the next day though. Till then all was fully sold out, turned us down badly. We're in vain, only if we decided earlier before evening time. Without wasting our temptation away, again we ventured ourselves to Summit USJ. Finally we're early enough to buy tickets, seats were still available. Some incident happened that made me angry about my girl, but then i forgiven her, you know what i mean, darling, hehe... And yes i was very angry by then.

About 3 hours and a half the movie's duration. My gosh, we bought the 12 midnight and we finished the whole show at 3.30am, once we got home, it'll be like 4.30am we went to bed... And my girl did stay overnight at my place, she got no choice, too tired, and again she'll get verbal spank from her parents.

Saturday, we woke up at 2pm. And damn, we're supposed to wake up at 11am to watch Aeon Flux... And my girl said it's better we make use of the free ticket vouchers watching it on weekdays, probably on Wednesday. Supposed my girl had to meet her friends at Sg Wang, and i didn't let her go, restrict her doing shopping with her friends, she might ended up buying something and while she's not working for the moment, she can't afford anything until she have the income. So later on, after some movies, her friend called and said one of them leaving and leaving one alone, so she had to come over to join her. We were there and they're still waiting for us. We parked our car near behind of Times Square, walked along passing Imbi Plaza and Sg Wang, to Lot 10. We met her friends at the entrance, then we went in, started talking about our life lately. We walked through the ladies sections, shoes, handbags and clothes. We spotted some good looking handbags for my girl and she found that my selections were perfectly suited her desires. They have another friend coming over too to join us, but she's kinda late, and they changed their minds of going to an event at Espanda, FHM's most beautiful college girl in 2005. Both of them had to leave, reasons to be no transport if stay late, parents may want them back so the whole family will go for a small trip bla bla bla, and it'll be like three of us going there, and it's gonna be less fun. Then i sms cy n Jordan about the event, and both of them may joining us later, but not at the time we are supposed to.

So it must be a happening event, some may not agree, my term is they'll be lots of goodies and chicks to look at, besides the "College Girls". We were at Sg Wang, to get there, impossibly to go there by public transport, regardless cabs. We walked all the way there from Bukit Bintang to Espanda, chat a lot, and soon we're there. At the main entrance, we thought we had to pay cover charge, but it's a sponsored special event, all we have to do is buy the FHM magazine for RM12, fill up the small form from the mags, tear it out and give it to the attendance officer, and we're in. Unfortunately no drinks provided per entry, fucked up. And so we got goodies bag, per entry, quite numbered of things in there but i haven't checked it out yet.

There're games, lucky draws, i won none. The girls are pretty but not as pretty as Hannah Tan.. Oh my god, she the bomb! She has great ass curve, busted tits with deep cleaverage, long straight brown hair, big eyes, sexy lips and most of all, she the BOMB! I think with her joining the competition, she'll be the winner. We were at the end of the building near the staircase right side of the main big mirror, around the VIP section. Mostly the whole ground floor was fully occupied by the VIPs and i don't understand why so much of them, till all the readers and guests were stucked up on the first floor. Actually it's much better if it's the other way, all the packed audience on the ground floor couldn't spectate the event.

About an hour later we were at the staircase and we're bored for the event, the event ended so soon and we had nothing to do there. Earlier on i invited Jordan and Cy to come over but they're far too late to be with us, and after the event, we planned to go somewhere else. Jordan's friend came along too and they're in his car, on their way and they're going to Orange. With three of them, they can't fetch all three of us, i mean in a Kelisa (cy told me it was Kancil, can't you make a difference? Anyway it doesn't matter, don't keep in mind.), so the girls will be in their car and i'll walk there. It's not far, just as an effort to go, it's worth to walk there, not the girls would like to take a walk that distance. (if anyone knew the distance between Espanda and Orange, that's the distance.)

i reached, and all of them thought it's not that far and i arrived early than they expected. Later on, The Fang's brothers came, all three of them. I guess i never met the youngest brother Fang Meng, and i think he's not as much look alike both Fang Heng and Fang Seng. Then my girl told me she saw her cousin with her friends. She told me before her cousin was a hardcore clubber and mostly with rich guys, means with lots of boyfriends, cuz she's a beauty, and of course i've no dispute on her, just as she pretty, and definately not my cup of tea, that's all. Some event hostess came to ask us filling up some our details for further event notices. Cy started to cheer things up wildly with the hostess, and came along Fang Heng, with his charms, trying to get those hostess together and bring some flirting scenarios. Indeed it's naturally for us to do a laugh cuz if ever anyone pulls a flirt on the hostess, it's like they have the more approaching chances than going to a none approaching intro from a girl. However, never try never know what's gonna be like, i've no dispute on this either.

Soon, the party got started, the music pumped up slightly slow while hearing it from the outside. We went in and the place was huge. I went there before few years back, just after some few drinks from another club and got myself drunk, i don't have a proper visual and exactly can't remember how it looks like anymore. A little part of the crowds, each wore a big funky bell bottom pants, even Fang Heng's little brother wore it. I don't know what exactly the pants can do in this event, when cy told me the reasons, i found it quite ridiculous. They're "Shufflers", do great trance or hard house dance, something like funk up the legs and minor moves on the arms. And it's really a hardcore moves, fast and smooth. Not breakdance, and firstly i thought so. My girl's cousin couldn't get into the club, she's still underage... Entries must be over 21 years and above to enter the club. Yeah, i'm 25, and my girl's 24, so it's not a problem, only her cousin was on her worries. When youngsters trying to hip, it's always the time they grew up and trying to have more nightlife's entertainment discoveries with their friends, to get more fun time, precisely. They left for some drinks and will come back again after a while to prevent rejection of underages...

Then Penny came along with her friends too. Later on the Australian DJ, i don't know her name, on the decks and blew the crowds mind. She's a wacky hardcore chick, when i went to toilet, i passed by the DJ, she quite pretty, a woman around late 30's, pro on her decks, spinning and changing vinyls. The men's toilet was a funny place, no urns, just rooms of toilets. The second time i went, cy told me it was used to be a ladies' toilet, and i asked him how about the ladies' next door? He said it's the same. Seriously, i don't understand how this building can be so careless on the toilet's design.

The crowds getting more and more and still we had spaces to do our "Shufflers" too... And just happenly i watched a few moves from the crowds, i made my own and i felt i could adapt. I think i'm the active one, dancing "Shufflers", the rest dance a little, sat and enjoying the music, smoked and drank beers. My girl danced a little cuz she's not a veteran, better be not or else she had more temptation clubbing on weekends, and probably she'll go on weekdays too. About 1.30am, my girl told me it's about time to leave, and i guess i'm gonna miss this great underground event of all i wanna be at. We had to send her friend Diana (when she told me her English name, i'm shocked... It's supposed to be named on a sexy hot chick.) back to Kelana Jaya, near the old Lim Kok Wing building. By coincident, Jordan and his friend Wayne, wanted to leave too. So it's a minor favor for Wayne to drop us behind Times Square to fetch our car, without his help, i guess the girls might get upset.

We sent Diana back home, and my girl have to send me back too. By that time it's not a good time for her driving alone back home, maybe lots of drunk drivers on the road may risk her, so no matter how she had to stay in my place until about 5am in the morning, she could safely drive home.

After she went home, i couldn't make myself sleep at all. I watched movies again, until i found the sun came up quite a while, i had to sleep, thinking of not wasting my last weekend to do some cleaning room and a little budget entertainment, some comic reading and good full-filling lunch. Yep, maybe curry mee for a start of the day?

I woke up in a few hours of sleep, i thought so, but it was 2pm. It's late for a day and i don't treat it a big deal, i still have time. What made me woke up was i felt i need to pee badly. After peeing, i went back to bed, thought of lying for a while strengthened up my muscles, i dozed off and woke up again at 7pm, due to my phone rang and woke me up. My girl sms me, she was at the wedding dinner with her parents, she was bored waiting for the food and took her opportunity to sms me... I mean, fuck man, such a waste of relaxation for a day. I always wished that i could get enough sleep but most of the time i regretted it. She told me her cousin sat beside her, so good enough to get to know more each other since they never did. Somehow my girl got scolded, and just as her dad's birthday was the same day of the wedding dinner, it's a fortunate moment to celebrate having a great dinner in a great restaurant with a great event going on, like two birds killed with one stone. And so her case was postponed or forgotten, the event cheered them well.

I on the TV, watched some fun games show, bathe and dressed up, headed to Prawn Mee stall had some good spicy mee soup. Then i walked along passing my old bankrupt company, i saw the shop used to be a restaurant turned out to be a new cybercafe... Utama Cybercafe. I went to look closer and saw a poster of Half-Life 2. I always wanted to play that games and when i get to it, it has a protective sequence whereby you can't play without a serial code or something, which really pissed me off. Now it's for me to discover the difference from the first episod.

The place is nice, no noise pollution, all with headphones with mics on. Flat screen monitors and good keyboards. Then nothing i found is Half-Life 2. Damn, such cheating cybercafe, and it's been a week or so they opened and so far their crowds were much less than the rest in the neighbourhood. But i found that i could download it free. Unfortunately, 2GB of game you're gonna download will be a waste of time and money. I logged on MSN, Andrik was still working, Yu Kong's online. Then Yu Kong talked to me, and he's joining Jeffrey for a drink in Tmn Desa. Jeffrey's back in town? Sounds like weekly to me, and i'm sure Jeffrey was fooling at me. And therefore, i called Jeffrey. He was online too, i never had his id, he added me and i started to say he's not being a friend by telling me he's back from Ipoh. He said he told me before, and so he'll be coming back from Ipoh weekly then. That's great news, friends cast away far from home just for work get to spend their time with their friends again...

After 1 hour and a half, i went home, along the way saw another cybercafe called Orange... Ironic huh? This place with bright lights and more customers than Utama. It's 11.30pm and i sms my girl not to sleep so soon cuz i missed her so much and so much things to say to her. She had a great time at the dinner, the food was great, i hardly could taste it, and her cousin talked much with her. Then it's 1am, so fast and i've started to write this post since i'm having dinner at Prawn Mee stall. Quite long huh?

You must have guess until what time i finished this post...

3am...

And i'm so clearly with bright eyes on the phone screen, few positions i've changed on my bed, so concentrate to write these things happened on my weekends. And i'm glad you made it reading until here.

Thanks. And have a great weekends always, readers!