Most Tired and Dying Day..

Sunday, the day i never went to bed, sleepless and tired mind, all i was thinking that i've to go home to visit my parents, along with cy. I called him, and he managed to answer the call, with a tired yet awoke tone, forgotten our plan of the day.

I went for breakfast, chicken rice, cheapest among others. I don't understand why the hawkers selling expensive foods, especially drinks, more like 10% of the usual price, and not in 'kaw' taste. Even there's a time i ordered cooling herb tea that cost me RM1.30. I told the waitress it was expensive, she asked me how much the usual price.. Gosh, was she dumb or something, of course it'll be like RM1, and the one i've ordered doesn't have any additional herbs, same as the usual. I've told her so and she gave a sarcastic reply at me.. Whatever, the drinks were rip offs.

I've loaded the things that cy wants for his next month's project, gonna unload it at his house. I called my dad about coming over, and he's telling me he can't came up any money to give me for work. Oh shit, looks like no one's helping me, cy's on budget and my girl's on savings in studies. But i'm too tired to think of solutions, so i went on driving to cy's place..

Almost reaching cy's place, i thought of my cousins in Klang.. I thought they might help me till the end of this month, at least i can ease my desperation in the moment. I made calls to them and my 3rd cousin insisted me to come over Klang. The schedule was a bit tight, yet i was sleepy all the sudden, gotta keep my reading initiation and meeting my parents on my plan. Cy got in the car, told me he hadn't slept well, just like taking light nap like me. He looked tired too, but he had promised to come along with me.

On the journey, cy told me Cheras was actually near his place, driving distances was alright, and his aunt was staying there too. And with coincidently, his aunt's house was at my garden's neighbourhood, so near. Once we reached, my dad came out and took the car mat out to clean the dusks, saw us walking near to the gate. We went in and my dad started to talk about my life, bad things i've done so far and never made contacts with my parents about a year.. I'm ashamed, i knew it's my fault. Before any awakening, i was stupid, stubborn of myself. I was there listening while my dad was telling tales of me at cy, and i guess i've lost the intention to get mad at my dad. I knew i've settled down, trying to give way to my dad. Whatever he wanted to say, it's in morality, no doubt it's been like critics, i've not being offended but learning my mistakes. Well, it happens to me as an asshole in the family, butt deep fucked all the way, boy!

We had light lunch, mom made salted whole legged chicken drumstick for both of us, plus sweet potato soup desserts, tempting.. I think my mom forgave my mistakes, even gave an instinct recommendation that i should go for a singing contest. Huh? How she knew i can sing? And about my music talent? God's sake, i knew she had mental stress, and she seemed normal to me, in spite of the sudden remark, i'm confused. Heh, i guess she had a right instinct at me, with no hard guessing. My dad coughed awhile, and i knew he tried to hold his laugh. My dad used to do like that all the time, sometimes i get a little sad that he couldn't show his emotion at me, too hard to handle? Or i was not funny enough? Parent's attitude..

We went off after my parents went off too, heading to Pudu, not sure what's the occasion. We went back cy's place to get his book and we did not unload his stuffs from the car, carried on our journey.

A mamak stall we stayed, the weather striked bright and i'm having difficulties reading and my sweats running on my forehead, afraid a drop of my sweat on the book. Soon we changed place, ended up in Bangsar..

In the complex there's a donation plus shows going on, the crowds were supportive and noisy, just happened it held in front of MPH. We went in and started browsing books, somehow we got prostated on the titles and browsing with enthusiasm..

I found some books that really made me wanna bought it, and i only had enough for a day's expenses, like later we're having starbucks coffee. But i had taken some pictures of the books i'm interested, maybe later i'll buy those.

We ordered cappucinos, enjoyed our drinks, read a bit, talk much, sight seeing like mad. Cause the crowds from the performance on level 1 really had lotsa cun girls, even they're young, they dressed up so matured that it makes no differences to think of flirting with them.. Ah, sorry darling, just joking, no intentions after all.. Shit..

I knew i didn't slept and the day's plan was so tiring, felt like dying and could doze off anytime, anywhere.. On chair, bathroom, on the floor, roadside.. I need to rest.. But can't ease my mind of tomorrow's first day of work, in tense, frustrated, depressed, desperated for some cash to start out. Told cy we had to make a move, after we had dinner nearby Bangsar. I can't eat, lost my appetite, still twirling my mind on my new job.. Cy talked about relying God's issues, i heard him, but can't distribute it in my mind, tired like fuck..

After sent cy home, i head to my aunt's house at klang. The journey was foggy like my eyes, usually i'm capable to focus on driving at night. Once i've reach, i thought of shitting, tried to push all out, only farts, no objects.. Guessed that made me lost my appetite, overwhelmed myself till i got sick from it. My cousins gathered around me and asked some questions, i probably would started those in stories, about my dad, my previous company and my current status. After a while my cousins started to weep, they were fully concerned my life all the while, and i gave empty promises of coming to Klang and visit them. I regretted it much and because of much breaking promises, i couldn't see my uncle anymore, rest in peace a year ago. Whenever i thought of him, i wept too, just like i wept for my dad, i love him, and i can't stand his ways losing my dignity just to protect me.. Soon they come out some cash for my daily expenses on work and a cheque for my car installment, about rm1k i took from them, some bonus stuffs like a watch, compliments from HSBC, few polo t-shirts, some snacks and 2 caps branded in bank's name. After i've spitted all my miseries, i felt energize, maybe you guys thought the money gave me energy, well it's not. I've rest my case, only had to worry tomorrow's work, how i'll be when i've to be trained and ready to do sales.. I'm nervous, ready to take any challenge to prove myself i can, no doubt i'm without qualifications, fuck it, just do the shits.

I went to my girl's place, showed her the watch was supreme nice for office use, she's happy to see me and liked the watch, just a while i head back home.

Made hot drinks, enjoying with a stick of cigy, thought of what if i'd never asked anything from my cousins. I felt ashamed but i'm helpless, my dad won't help. He's fucking rich, and he denied of helping his only son in desperate. I can't blame him, i should've save more money and never really told him i've suffered, just naturally let my life be. Why did i beg him if i knew he's not helping?

Who doesn't know money is important thing in human's life? Damn bloody money.. Always money the problem.