Contradiction... (Monday 14/8/06)

I woke up late this morning. Supposed at 7am.. Ah, fuck it, i thought, and i went back to sleep. Without any notices, i woke up again, and it's 8.45am. Sigh, i'm gonna be late for work today. Just hope things gonna be alright.

I rushed myself getting ready for work. Then i took bus to reach my parent's place at 10am. My dad called me once just to hurry me, cuz he's going to Majestic for some official matter. My mom's still in healthy condition, past few months my dad told me she's quite unstable at her emotions. When she saw me at the front gate, i could see her in delight. She asked me, "I thought you should be at work? Today's your off day?" well, that's the best welcome ever came from her all these years, proved that i'm a bad boy years ago and she seem to know i've changed a little. She used to say to me whenever i got back home, "Why you bother coming home? Off day? If you got nothing to do just work, don't simply take leave!"

"I'm working today, but it doesn't matter, i've informed my superior about it." Once i stepped in the living room, my dad's reading newspaper, he was still the same old attitude, talked very loud like scolding. Since i'm out from my parent's home, all these i've calm my mind not to burst out because of little things i'm not satisfied. Then we started to talk about some issues to be done and i'm not gonna tell out here, it'll be a surprise on later post.

And so, the main topic of the day, will be my future. Ever since the last post, i did mentioned that my uncle gave me a very good opportunity to earn five figures per month. Only one condition: stay in Pudu, the place i never wanted to be at. I love my usual place, it's been 4 years i stayed there, so many things happened there, so many good memories... It's not easy for me to move around anymore cuz my place full of stuffs that's not even count to be disposed. Everything i got in my own room were all the memories i have left.

My dad still urge me to move there, i said i just asked a very small favor, just let me stay there, and i'll do anything you like. He was so pissed, as usual, and my mom was calm. I told them again, as repeated mostly whenever they urged me to work with my uncle...

You see, i can't really stay with my parents. I can't talk with them, i can't share my happiness with them, and the same with my sisters too. I'm all alone when i'm with them. I'm just an idle character in the family, nothing clicks between us. Usually, we just quarrel, and some of my relatives would come to my parent's house and sort out my case. Yeah, i'm a bad boy, the way i am, now and then. I've my own ways of living, totally opposite from my family. In order of not getting them heartache of my behavior and attitude, i should stay out alone and be independent. That's what i should do.

Then, my dad went raging my explanation. I don't know if he's angry at my replies of not respecting him, or just he's trying out my patience and maturity. He made me doubt him, but not my mom. She was preparing something from the kitchen, she came out and asked me, "Have you ate anything this morning? I made some meehoon soup." that's surprised me. Well, what the hell... "No, i didn't. That'll save my breakfast cost..." and i started wallop the whole bowl. My dad still kept scolding me from my behind. (i was eating facing behind him.) Then, we talked about my Pepsi's payment. I think i failed to collect the payment after went there all the way and even looked like i begged them to pay me.. I'm like an idiot. I said to my dad, "I went there and deal with them, they said they'll bank in my payment in 2 weeks later, and now it's more than expected. I'm fucking broke now and i got no choice but to ask you to tell uncle about this. Did he still have the address?" "I told you before you should... Bla... Bla... Bla..."

Sigh... Why he had to repeat the same shit? My responsible to know what's with them and i'll know what i need to do about them. My uncle said, he doesn't want to see his nephew getting bullied this way, and he wanted them to pay the price after i've suffered more than 7 months. This time i'm not giving any shit to them, i'm running out of money, and i'm desperate to get that money for future use. What sort of options my uncle will use, it'll be all his way of dealing them. I don't fucking care anymore.

Then, back to the main topic, my dad still trying hard to urge me. I know he's trying to protect me. I almost cried, cuz i love them. I know they overprotected me till i went relying on them. I said to them,

"You know why i've to stay alone from anyone? You gave all the best options that it's really helpful, both financial and health. Imagine you and mom not around, what am i supposed to do. That's why when things happened to me, i never tell. Even i hungried for days often, i strived to survive till the very last day. I won't die easily, and i won't give up easily. I'm trying to train hard myself to be independent, even i'm not proving anything, i still survive, life still goes on. You gave all the best, and i'll return to my old relying attitude. I don't want that, i'm grateful you're protecting me, but it's not what i want. It's just a small favor, i'm staying alone in the same place i am, and work with uncle. I won't be late for work, i won't be a nuisance when i'm outdoor. I'll be fine."

My mom collected the clean bowl i left on table, and said, "Just let him be, it's just a place to live." Then my dad silent awhile and said, "Ok, be sure you keep your promises and don't let me heartache again!"

For fuck's sake, why don't my dad agreed earlier? I've wasted myself running around to get a job and not even a month or so, i've to work with my uncle. Is it a waste of people teaching me to be pro on relevant field and leave in a short period?

However, i was happy. I called my girl and told her everything i could. She's happy too. Guess what, i'm back to have a weekend off days! Working hours, Mon-Fri 8.30am till 6pm, Saturday 8.30am till 1pm (i guess)... My girl hoped so much that she could see me on weekends. Me too, with all the places we could go, again.

My dad fetched me to work. His old Wira has evolved to Toyota Vios. I said to him, "Is it that i've told you to change car because of the fuel consumption?" "It's not mine, your sisters bought it for me..." with anger he replied. "Yeah right, it's the same shit." i was looking at his moody face. On our way to my workplace, i told him about my band Airtight Noise, which he hated me to tell him. I don't care if he hates it, i've to tell him. Because me and cy have been waiting to get such opportunity to let others know who's Airtight Noise for over 10 years. Yes, playing in a band becoming famous is just a dream. Dreams we had are not simply vulnerable. We worked hard for it. It paid the price though. I told my dad that our band was reviewed on tv, newspaper and radio. He said nothing. I guessed he knew that he's proud to have me doing such miracle even he never agreed. Thanks cy, at least my dad's happy to hear it.

I went to work happily, reached and punched card at 11am. I told every office girl that i've good news from my dad and will be late at work. One of the office girl, who daily dressed very low cut at her breast area, often showing her deep cleverage. I can't say she's begged to get horny, it's too flashy for me staring at her. Not that big, but alluring... Ah, sorry sorry. The sexy office girl, Christy said to me, "It doesn't matter if you're late." "Oh come on, be serious at the punctuality. I always came early but today's an exceptional, some family issues had to be done." and i left to my usual counter.

That's about the things i need to say. I just hope the following month will be a real 'Merdeka' for me... Just hope i could really stabilise my life, and get my girl to be my real permanent companion. Agree not, honey bunny?