Less... but desperate... (Friday 7/7/06)

I've started work, in an F&B field this month. I've been trained and so far i'm still left out from what i should do. What's the most funny thing is the system of the day will change differently, so different that it really confusing the new staffs. Everyone has their own attitude, and individual preference on their tasks. One goes with a witty idea to complete the task, the other will stick with the rules but more efficiency. Well, i guess i found a proper task handler these days, at least he'll also fetch me back home after work, very efficiency i mean. Argh... So many things to tell about my job, fuck it. It's not the real topic for this post...

One said to me,

"Don't hold back yourself from the critics, as you did, you wouldn't know what's your most important in life. Take yourself as a dot, a small tiny little dot, is yourself, that is small, tiny, you are still a dot. Even it's in the center of your body, it's surviving. It may grow big, but it takes a lot of effort to maintain the very same size of the origin. It has to be enlarge, it depends on the owner may take up his lead to survive. Think as the dot, live as to live larger than life. Gain prosperity, gain love, gain friends, gain confidence... And gain age, as you will see these whole life is worth it..."

(What'ya know? I'm listening to Sigor Rose, it's tripping and i gotta say i'm keeping myself busy spreading my sense of nonsense here!)

And so, things might have been a change of plan all the sudden...

"Why did you wanna maintain this job for a short period? Don't you think it's better to give it up for yourself since you're painful enough, and take what opportunity has been offered? You can't rely on such profile till the day i'm ready to be someone's..."

I'm totally in vain... What's the matter between what i must do and what i should do? You get me right? Yeah, i bet it so...


Next thing, my gig at Hartamas is on 5th August... Near to my girl's birthday... At first i thought i'll make my off day occupied for my girl's birthday, now this is sort of chance of the lifetime... You know, when a girl met a guy who jams, i bet she'll never really understand what a rocker's dream... To be a rock star. Yeah, beers, friends drinking together after a concert, chicks hanging out with us, jam our favourite self composed songs. Be famous and be as the coolest. Someone like Nirvana, our very 1st influence to rock music. So, by all means, that's the priority. Sorry girls, if you love this rocker, you ought to give in, it's the same thing when you went shopping with him... Heh... It's really happening to us, gig at Hartamas... Awesome! This time we are going to party at a D.I.Y band lovers area!

And so, my job was not really a job that has Saturdays and Sundays as holidays, for staffs, don't get me wrong. In F&B field, it's normal to see that the staffs only allowed to take off days on weekdays only. Weekends are priority for the crowds which off days on weekends. As the matter of fact, i've thought such matter in silly way. As everyone works weekdays but weekends, some people who need to go supermarket, there's no one there, every staffs off days. Then goes to the park... It's closed, no one opens the gate for you, it reads 'closed on weekends'... The whole world gone twisted with no one providing services for customers on weekends... And so, with some business that runs 7 days a week, that might be a great idea. Thus, it cuts about 30% of the weekdays business, which nowadays you can realise a lot of people who more prefer having a job that weekends are off days... And also for the consuming rate on weekends, which everyone packing the weekdays job, which happens to be a reason for the traffic jams even got 'hi way' also... And packing the shops and malls on weekends, the day every 7 days a week business may busy themselves hard sell of the century, as on weekdays, the staffs will stand, or sit, or looking out at the window, or door, or somewhere the main entrance. Waiting is the chore, talking with collegues is an addiction, yawning is a habit.

Look, i'm about to finish this shit, i know you must be angry that i'm not getting into the point right? Heh, it'll be over soon...

Saturday, 5th August... Wow, you know, it's pretty desperate for me, while i'm stucked for the job. It's a 20 days over range from the gig's day, i need to coop up my skills, rehearse some songs, and for i'm so flat right now, i'm about to tremble. It's a vital situation for our gig then, nevertheless i must get it done! Fuck, it feels tired to struggle... So fucking exhausted...

One day, my girl called me and we chat quite some time. Suddenly she's in sad mode, spilled out something which it makes me feel bad, and it could just break my mood and i would work less serious because of the misery. But then, i ought to listen, and explain, again and again, i never get to give up. I know it'll be alright, and i'm trying to gain the better. Maybe her work triggers her mood to bad, that costs me some thoughts i can't take away even for a while. I'm really sorry, i'm working hard on it and i'm trying my patience on the success, so please share some of my patience as a support for me to grow.

And so, either i get to off on that gig's day, or fuck the job and find another proper one. I've asked around and my collegue said it'll be approved mostly if it's given an early notice. 70% of confidence? Not that, i thought of finding a better one! Seriously, my feet felt like burning every single morning, all the blood roughly flows beneath the feet, it cramps and hurt badly if i sped.

Oh my leg's wound... Fucked up a few times in days. I peeled, it dries. And with a little knock, it bled. What the fuck was wrong? Maybe it's a routine to get well soon...

However, my days of work since i started gets me bored and confusing. Day and night swapped, lonely and no privacy at all. Work, eat, sleep, work eat sleep workeatsleep... It's a life... No entertainment, no love, no one, but crap... Haha!

Thanks for reading, i'm getting back my 'ha ha' mood later, bye!